Bulgarian’s embrace change

Across the border from Romania, There's a sea change in the way Bulgarians think about relationships and marriage - as well. And there's a new acceptance of variety.

Elitza is 32 and a well-established dentist with her own private practice shared with her twin-sister. Daniela is 41 and is the creative director of a small but very successful advertising agency. Tanya is 27 and a translator/interpreter from and into Turkish. What binds these names together except for the fact that they are my friends? Well, they all have children and they are not married, because they have chosen to live in domestic partnership or cohabitation with the fathers of their children.

The pattern of the traditional Bulgarian family with the pater familias supervising all aspects of family life has not endured, although some experts would argue that the patriarchal attitudes towards family and marriage have persevered in 21st century Bulgarian society.

One reason for this shifting of moral values is the communist regime and its advocacy of women’s emancipation, which led to women winning their economic independence and launching successful professional careers in many cases at the expense of their role as wives and mothers.

Daniela goes back to the 1970s.

“Back in the 1970s when I was in primary school I was the only child in a radius of 5 km whose parents had divorced. It was a bit of stigma, but tolerable. It singled me out and gave me a very good start that is, zero illusions about the bliss of married life. Later on, when I met my partner and father of my son, I found out he had divorced. So we were both reluctant to marry. Besides, I am obsessed with privacy, and I hate to be the center of attention and fuss. And a wedding is all about it.”

Attitudes have indeed taken a dramatic turn, and if single mothers and the children born outside of marriage have been heavily stigmatized in the years right up to the early 1990s, the present-day Bulgarians seem not to be afraid to live in cohabitation or domestic partnership. Love is more important than the mere formal declaration of love at the Registrar’s office, Bulgarians seem to maintain. According to latest polls one in two couples in Bulgaria lives without a formal marriage. It is no longer unusual for women in their early 30s to marry for the first time. Polls indicate that in the 20-30 age bracket, only 30% of the men and women are married. The same trend is in evidence in both USA and the EU. Although cohabitation is in difficulty to make its way through to official statistics, it is assumed that one in 6 couples in Europe lives in this way.

5-year-old Andrey, Daniela’s son, asked her at one point if he could see the wedding photographs.

“I’ll do the right timing and explain to him all about it. After all he is a very wise little guy. All he wants is to see the two of us and him happy together.”

Although the existing conservative model of marriage does not satisfy society, and although many people live together outside of marriage, Bulgarian legislation still does not recognize domestic partnership as a juridical fact that gives rights and responsibilities to its parties. Domestic partnership does not lead to spousal material commonwealth between the partners. Among the responsibilities taken on by the partners in their life together, the only ones legally enforced are those listed in the civil law. If they break up, the partners have no access to the legally recognized rights of a spouse in a divorce.

“Don’t get me wrong, Radostin, I do not feel any contempt for the institution of marriage. It has made the world go round for so long. Still, I think that family is what matters much more. I am lucky to have a decent one. And if I sense that my charming boy is unhappy with his parents’ unmarried status, I will be running to the registrar’s office as soon as possible, believe me.”

I may be wrong but I tend to think that the trend is predominant with the country’s elite: artists, politicians, business executives, doctors, dentists, etc. Even the Prime Minister has admitted openly that he lives together with his girlfriend in cohabitation, but this fact doesn’t seem to have harmed his public image, which can be perceived as a sign that the Bulgarian society does not oppose domestic partnership or cohabitation.

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